A few weeks ago my boyfriend of 5 years (and who I believed was my life partner) abruptly ended our relationship. I was of course heart broken, shocked and depressed. I went through my days miserable, suffering, unable to eat, and doing my best to distract myself through chores and time with friends old and new. I ate unhealthy non-vegan food when I ate, I drank, I didn’t sleep much, didn’t exercise or practice my yoga. Basically, I didn’t do anything a healthy, well-adjusted yoga teacher would do.
Feeling depressed and questioning all that I knew wasn’t enough- I had to add guilt to the pile. I felt so much guilt for living (or not living) the way I was. After a couple of weeks and an emotional phone conversation with a dear friend, I let go of that guilt. After all, I was not currently a healthy, well-adjusted anything. I was a human being going through a traumatic life change. It was OK to suffer, to not take care of myself in my usual ways, it was OK to distract myself from the pain of suffering as much as possible. This was a part of being human and I deserved to take part in it.
Once I allowed myself to experience this trauma without guilt, I discovered a new way of seeing things. In the quiet the answers came. I saw my relationship for what it had been. I saw myself for who I truly am. I wasn’t the person that he described. I wasn’t necessarily who my peers, students or friends thought I should be. I saw truth. Even in the bad I saw the good. I grew leaps and bounds within days. I feel relived to know that I was so terribly wrong and to know that I could let go of something so huge. I feel so free and resilient.
By being removed from a situation I was able to gain a fresh perspective. While it is important to see the positive in life, sometimes the negative needs to be in greater focus. Let the bad in a situation act as an informer. Don’t avoid it, don’t snuff it out, don’t dwell. Just see it and learn from it. Don’t become trapped by your beliefs or your loyalty. Believe in yourself. Be loyal to yourself. The rest will follow. Cheers to new beginnings!